Everybody talks about giving back to the society, the world, to the human kind. Be a giver, is what I hear from a lot of people. Don't hoard stuff! So I ask myself, what is the big deal anyway?
Isn't life about getting things for yourself and doing things that will bring you happiness? Why would I want to give away my new t-shirts, new shoes or caps? Haven't I bought them (in the first place) so that I can enjoy? What is wrong if I am selfish? After all, I'm taking care of my needs. Big deal!
More introspections and my attention moves towards people I know who are givers! One person really stands out. We know him as "buddy", well thats what Kitty has nick named him. So everytime we get stuff together for each other, I have been observing that he gives away all those goodies to his friends. Just like that. Caps that we searched through all those stores.!! Handpicked tshirts!!, Belts, perfumes, etc, etc. I always wondered how he could do that! It really isn't about the money that is spent? I am more so talking about all the effort and time spent and you just to give it away?
I'm not contradicting myself here, but when I look back over the years, I haven't been too selfish myself. More than anything, giving is really a joy, an overwhelming feeling that pervades your heart. I have learnt to give too, but I've never gone overboard really? (If you know what I mean?). So anyway, after a lot of threats from CP, my childhood sweetheart, I made up my mind to gift a music system. Ofcourse it would be mine eventually! Turning over to the actual shopping itself? I was overjoyed when I was able to get the onkyo lr-522. She is such a beauty! So yeah, I intend to talk about the joy of giving today. But when I saw this polk, my heart jumped with joy!! You know what? I was jumping for the fact that my friend was going to own this beauty in a few days and be able to hear the awesome music! Something that I might never be able to! Remember, I'm in India and these things can cost a bomb!! There are good chances that I might never own such a system.
Eventually, it so happened that I was able to get a B&W floor standing speaker and ship it to CP. Even the name scares me, cuz they are so damn costly! Let's not find out how much I got it for! It was in its own way a sort of a cheap bomb:-). What will remain in my heart is the joy I got out of this whole experience. Like I said earlier, I might never own a B&W; but the fact that my friend is able to is such a wonderful feeling. I almost would enjoy music through his ears. Isn't it awesome?
Atleast after reading this, I hope the speaker cables will be connected and music heard!
So here I am, finally, writing about two great friends. One a sweet guy and another a sweet prick!! I don't need to say who is who, cuz they know very well what they are!!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Triumph of the human spirit
As a kid, I've been fascinated by action movies! For that matter even to this day I'd love to watch action movies. I can still watch"Where eagles dare" or "Predator" today. Remember, I've already watched "Where eagles dare" like 100 times. I had a VHS tape as a kid (I think I still have it somewhere stashed) and now a DVD. The words (Some people have 6th sense; Smith has the 6th, the 7th and the 8th) are etched in my memory for ever. Smith is "Richard Burton", a commando and of course Clint Eastwood, his side kick. If you are ever interested in watching this movie, let me know and I'll make a copy of the DVD and give it to you. There is no way I can give you the original (Which is ofcourse pirated anyway!!). And how can I not talk about my love for "Sholay"?? I think I'll cry even today if I watch Amitabh die! Ofcourse I have to be alone to get into the characters!
Anyway, I have seen so many die in the movies and as a child I've wondered what it is to die! What happens to someone when they die? Today, I don't want to find out that answer! Why? Because there is so much to live for! There is a saying "Health is wealth". I have been fortunate to really, really understand and realize that this is one of the truest quotes that man has come up with.
We all know that we'd die some day, but when you realize you are sick (In your 20s) and get the feeling that you might die? That is the most horrible feeling! I mean there are so many dreams you would have dreamt of. What happens to all those dreams? I have experienced that feeling first hand when doctors thought I might have cancer of the lymph nodes in 2005. The first thoughts were, this cannot be happening to me. The doctors are wrong! I know I'm healthy. I am fitter than most! What the heck?? I can wake up in the morning and compete in a marathon! How can my lymph nodes give up on me so soon? I was supposed to get married, spend the rest of my life with the woman of my dreams! I had a dream job! I had just bought my dream car. How could this be happening to me? I was shit scared and I didn't want to die!! I desperately wanted the doctors to be wrong about their diagnosis and I didn't want to hear their prognosis!!
The real hero of this blog is my dear friend "Aishwarya". She is the noisiest and the most hyper active girl I've ever known. Not to mention incorrigiblest!! So one fine day, I hear that she has cancer and is undergoing treatment. I could not believe what I heard! I knew what it feels like (well almost) but I cannot explain in words the sorrow that overcame me! How could it happen to her? I so much expected her to be in USA shortly and have a time of her life there! And here she was!! What the hell was god thinking!!
It dawned on me (again!) how helpless we humans are! We really don't have or "can control" on any aspect of our lives. I had rehearsed my lines to comfort her but I knew they would fail miserably! There was nothing that could make it all better!! The least I could do was let her know that I'm thinking about her!. Close to a year and many chemos later I see her to be getting back to shape. It's a joy to see her hair growing back again (The boyish cut is quite OK though)! I have seen her eye brows trimmed twice!!!! They are so shapely now! I can't wait to see her comb her hair again!
Strangely, she thanks me for "being there" for her often. In reality I need to thank her! I have seen her "smile" in her darkest hour! I have seen her "be herself - silly"!! How can she do that? What inside her even makes it possible for her to smile? But I still wondered why "Thank her"? What did she give me at all?? She didn't give up hope! She did everything in her power to keep herself alive! She showed me "hope" in action; Not the same kind you'd witness in the movies; Not the same kind you'd experience when you read "Lance Armstrong's success story! This was for real, real!!. She wasn't no celebrity, but a friend! We all long to witness miracles forgetting that there are miracles happening all around us! The hope I saw in her was a miracle to me!
Anyway, I have seen so many die in the movies and as a child I've wondered what it is to die! What happens to someone when they die? Today, I don't want to find out that answer! Why? Because there is so much to live for! There is a saying "Health is wealth". I have been fortunate to really, really understand and realize that this is one of the truest quotes that man has come up with.
We all know that we'd die some day, but when you realize you are sick (In your 20s) and get the feeling that you might die? That is the most horrible feeling! I mean there are so many dreams you would have dreamt of. What happens to all those dreams? I have experienced that feeling first hand when doctors thought I might have cancer of the lymph nodes in 2005. The first thoughts were, this cannot be happening to me. The doctors are wrong! I know I'm healthy. I am fitter than most! What the heck?? I can wake up in the morning and compete in a marathon! How can my lymph nodes give up on me so soon? I was supposed to get married, spend the rest of my life with the woman of my dreams! I had a dream job! I had just bought my dream car. How could this be happening to me? I was shit scared and I didn't want to die!! I desperately wanted the doctors to be wrong about their diagnosis and I didn't want to hear their prognosis!!
The real hero of this blog is my dear friend "Aishwarya". She is the noisiest and the most hyper active girl I've ever known. Not to mention incorrigiblest!! So one fine day, I hear that she has cancer and is undergoing treatment. I could not believe what I heard! I knew what it feels like (well almost) but I cannot explain in words the sorrow that overcame me! How could it happen to her? I so much expected her to be in USA shortly and have a time of her life there! And here she was!! What the hell was god thinking!!
It dawned on me (again!) how helpless we humans are! We really don't have or "can control" on any aspect of our lives. I had rehearsed my lines to comfort her but I knew they would fail miserably! There was nothing that could make it all better!! The least I could do was let her know that I'm thinking about her!. Close to a year and many chemos later I see her to be getting back to shape. It's a joy to see her hair growing back again (The boyish cut is quite OK though)! I have seen her eye brows trimmed twice!!!! They are so shapely now! I can't wait to see her comb her hair again!
Strangely, she thanks me for "being there" for her often. In reality I need to thank her! I have seen her "smile" in her darkest hour! I have seen her "be herself - silly"!! How can she do that? What inside her even makes it possible for her to smile? But I still wondered why "Thank her"? What did she give me at all?? She didn't give up hope! She did everything in her power to keep herself alive! She showed me "hope" in action; Not the same kind you'd witness in the movies; Not the same kind you'd experience when you read "Lance Armstrong's success story! This was for real, real!!. She wasn't no celebrity, but a friend! We all long to witness miracles forgetting that there are miracles happening all around us! The hope I saw in her was a miracle to me!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
What does the unix command "rm -rf *" under / do??
I'm not much of a Unix freak! As a matter of fact, even today I get scared when I have to set "java path" in unix. I just don't understand why the hell I should do that. Why can't it be done with a click of a button?
Anyway, one of the downsides of having like 200 machines at your disposal with "root" access is the "rm" command!! What really happens if you do this in an un-intended location?? (Especially / )
The first thought that goes through your mind is; what the hell just happened? What happened to all the folders! The damn "ls" command through the telnet session just doesn't work. Why? You just don't see any folders!! Then you realize you are "F#@^%"!! All the hardwork that went in, the hours all go for a waste!! So you either reinstall the OS or request the IS team to do it for you. And then you pretty much start from scratch!
And ofcourse, it helps to laugh at yourself when you are in such a situation
Anyway, one of the downsides of having like 200 machines at your disposal with "root" access is the "rm" command!! What really happens if you do this in an un-intended location?? (Especially / )
The first thought that goes through your mind is; what the hell just happened? What happened to all the folders! The damn "ls" command through the telnet session just doesn't work. Why? You just don't see any folders!! Then you realize you are "F#@^%"!! All the hardwork that went in, the hours all go for a waste!! So you either reinstall the OS or request the IS team to do it for you. And then you pretty much start from scratch!
And ofcourse, it helps to laugh at yourself when you are in such a situation
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The love of my life
I have wondered often, if I'm ever going to find the love of my life! You know the kind of girl;
Who would make your heart skip a beat?
Whose thought would make you feel light and almost levitate?
Whose sweet voice makes me forget all your worries?
I thought it was my "Jenny" (Name changed) for a long time, then briefly thought it was Penny (Name changed again) and somewhere in between or before or after it was Benny (Name changed ofcourse)!! I even wondered if it was Jack (Fictitious).
I strongly believe myself to be really really lucky in life. And yet, my poor heart has had to go through so much action and trauma!! Luckily (as always) I had a few hobbies that I could pursue (Thanks to my parents!!). So I took up tennis in a big way, also wanting to win the ISL tennis tournament again, comprehensively this time!! I even wanted to dominate swimming like Phelps!!
I remember vividly my first day back in the tennis courts after a break of about 15 years! I had this huge grin on my face whenever my coach fed the yellow tennis balls to all of us, waiting in queue to hit them! I'm sure my co-students on the court wondered why in the world was this old guy smiling and chucking for no apparent reason? (Remember the next youngest student was like 12 years younger than I was!).
And then there was this pretty girl Aiesha (Name changed) who lightened up my mornings, more than the sunshine and the kingfisher plane that hovered on top of the courts daily at 7 sharp! The plane above my head made me smile!! Have you ever wondered what an invention the airplane is????
I cannot forget playing with this 14/15 year old girl (I don't know her name). As long as she rally'd with me, I could hit back with the same intensity. But as soon as she started hitting harder (You will not believe how hard she can hit) I could not return the ball to her court. It used to generally go out or to another court or out of the court. I am old enough to laugh at my inabilities and I thoroughly enjoyed every game I played with her. I was almost a nightmare to the ball boys who played so well. I could defeat them in their own backyard!! I felt like Edberg!! All grace and power!!
That's when it hit me!!!
No matter how tired I was the previous night, I couldn't wait to wake up and get to the courts.
No matter how late I came back from work (Sometimes 2am); I woke up and went to the courts.
No matter how much it rained or how cold it was, I was there on the courts; Hoping that by some miracle the courts have dried. (I do believe in miracles)!
No matter how much my body ached cuz of the sudden pounding my body was taking, I was there on the courts.
I have not been able to wake up at 5:30AM without an alarm. Be it the most important exam, the train to Black Forest, the bus to Paris or the Great Ocean Road, or to NASA. And here I was waking up at 5:30AM, without any alarm!!!!! Just so I am the courts on time to start my day with a bit of tennis!!
That's when it hit me!!! I surely did love Jenny (a LOT), Penny and Buffy and I hadn't turned gay!! That's when it hit me that the love of my life need not be a girl!!! I'll surely hope for that special girl a while longer. Hope is a good thing and no good thing ever dies. But..
It is "Tennis", a love affair that started 22 years ago! Stefan Edberg, Ivan Lendl, Pat Rafter and Andre Agassi my heroes!! I almost had tears in my eyes when Justine Henin announced her retirement; It takes courage to quit and move on! Will you believe me if I said I just had goose bumps as I was writing this!?? Just a confirmation from my body that "Tennis is magic to me"!!
I love tennis!!!
Who would make your heart skip a beat?
Whose thought would make you feel light and almost levitate?
Whose sweet voice makes me forget all your worries?
I thought it was my "Jenny" (Name changed) for a long time, then briefly thought it was Penny (Name changed again) and somewhere in between or before or after it was Benny (Name changed ofcourse)!! I even wondered if it was Jack (Fictitious).
I strongly believe myself to be really really lucky in life. And yet, my poor heart has had to go through so much action and trauma!! Luckily (as always) I had a few hobbies that I could pursue (Thanks to my parents!!). So I took up tennis in a big way, also wanting to win the ISL tennis tournament again, comprehensively this time!! I even wanted to dominate swimming like Phelps!!
I remember vividly my first day back in the tennis courts after a break of about 15 years! I had this huge grin on my face whenever my coach fed the yellow tennis balls to all of us, waiting in queue to hit them! I'm sure my co-students on the court wondered why in the world was this old guy smiling and chucking for no apparent reason? (Remember the next youngest student was like 12 years younger than I was!).
And then there was this pretty girl Aiesha (Name changed) who lightened up my mornings, more than the sunshine and the kingfisher plane that hovered on top of the courts daily at 7 sharp! The plane above my head made me smile!! Have you ever wondered what an invention the airplane is????
I cannot forget playing with this 14/15 year old girl (I don't know her name). As long as she rally'd with me, I could hit back with the same intensity. But as soon as she started hitting harder (You will not believe how hard she can hit) I could not return the ball to her court. It used to generally go out or to another court or out of the court. I am old enough to laugh at my inabilities and I thoroughly enjoyed every game I played with her. I was almost a nightmare to the ball boys who played so well. I could defeat them in their own backyard!! I felt like Edberg!! All grace and power!!
That's when it hit me!!!
No matter how tired I was the previous night, I couldn't wait to wake up and get to the courts.
No matter how late I came back from work (Sometimes 2am); I woke up and went to the courts.
No matter how much it rained or how cold it was, I was there on the courts; Hoping that by some miracle the courts have dried. (I do believe in miracles)!
No matter how much my body ached cuz of the sudden pounding my body was taking, I was there on the courts.
I have not been able to wake up at 5:30AM without an alarm. Be it the most important exam, the train to Black Forest, the bus to Paris or the Great Ocean Road, or to NASA. And here I was waking up at 5:30AM, without any alarm!!!!! Just so I am the courts on time to start my day with a bit of tennis!!
That's when it hit me!!! I surely did love Jenny (a LOT), Penny and Buffy and I hadn't turned gay!! That's when it hit me that the love of my life need not be a girl!!! I'll surely hope for that special girl a while longer. Hope is a good thing and no good thing ever dies. But..
It is "Tennis", a love affair that started 22 years ago! Stefan Edberg, Ivan Lendl, Pat Rafter and Andre Agassi my heroes!! I almost had tears in my eyes when Justine Henin announced her retirement; It takes courage to quit and move on! Will you believe me if I said I just had goose bumps as I was writing this!?? Just a confirmation from my body that "Tennis is magic to me"!!
I love tennis!!!
Monday, July 21, 2008
Happiness - 1
It all started off with seeing "shivamma" the emotion less, strightfaced bhelpuri gaadi lady on a certain road, mixing bhelpuri! I used to buy 50ps bhel from her while I was in probably PUC. I never saw her again. And when I first saw her after 15 years, the first thought that came to my mind was a kind of "happiness". Here she was, the lady I knew, who still owned a gaadi. I wondered if she had progressed in life or she lead the same life she used to! Old times always bring happiness, no matter how bitter. It is so true that we, human beings, remember only the good things that have happened in our lives. Now isn't that a gift? Imagine us having to carry the burden of our mistakes, our misfortune, our losses day in and day out! There is no way we can smile, if that was the case!
A ball boy in the tennis court takes care of plants and grows vegetables. I felt so good when I realized he was plucking out bitter gourds, bananas and jasmine from the shrubs and trees around. The shrubs he had planted, took care of and reaped the yield! He was so happy while doing that chore! I was so happy for him! Why? Well, I don't know the problems he has in his life. I have my doubts about whether he is able to make ends meet and yet he has a smile on his face at 7 in the morning. I wish I could see his face when he gets those vegetables home, cooks a meal and eats it. I want to be there to experience that moment.
I felt happy just being alive! I feel happy for what I am today, for having the things I do today. We often take so so many things for granted in life and I want to remind myself that nothing in this life is ordinary. Every moment is a miracle, a journey to be cherished. It's just that we tend to not keep our eyes and hearts open. How often have we:
Felt the water droplets on our body, felt good about it and felt happy that there is water around?
Felt the morning sun on us and felt good about waking up to a new day with its endless possibilities?
Felt the itch in our ears and how good it feels when you use ear buds to clean even though there isn't too much dirt?
Felt good drinking water and appreciate how tasty it is, even though it it the most tasteless thing, arguably?
The list goes on and on....
And yet we so often complain about everything that is happening to us; when really everything is so wonderful. Are we just complaining about our own inadequacies and us failing to do what we are supposed to do? What is it that we want that would make us happy? I am sure there isn't anything in this world that would give us "absolute happiness" (so called)!!
Live the moments!!
A ball boy in the tennis court takes care of plants and grows vegetables. I felt so good when I realized he was plucking out bitter gourds, bananas and jasmine from the shrubs and trees around. The shrubs he had planted, took care of and reaped the yield! He was so happy while doing that chore! I was so happy for him! Why? Well, I don't know the problems he has in his life. I have my doubts about whether he is able to make ends meet and yet he has a smile on his face at 7 in the morning. I wish I could see his face when he gets those vegetables home, cooks a meal and eats it. I want to be there to experience that moment.
I felt happy just being alive! I feel happy for what I am today, for having the things I do today. We often take so so many things for granted in life and I want to remind myself that nothing in this life is ordinary. Every moment is a miracle, a journey to be cherished. It's just that we tend to not keep our eyes and hearts open. How often have we:
Felt the water droplets on our body, felt good about it and felt happy that there is water around?
Felt the morning sun on us and felt good about waking up to a new day with its endless possibilities?
Felt the itch in our ears and how good it feels when you use ear buds to clean even though there isn't too much dirt?
Felt good drinking water and appreciate how tasty it is, even though it it the most tasteless thing, arguably?
The list goes on and on....
And yet we so often complain about everything that is happening to us; when really everything is so wonderful. Are we just complaining about our own inadequacies and us failing to do what we are supposed to do? What is it that we want that would make us happy? I am sure there isn't anything in this world that would give us "absolute happiness" (so called)!!
Live the moments!!
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